Your Oxygen
We are on vacation, having a wonderful time and yet elbow to elbow with relatives. Our relatives, compared to most, couldn't be more considerate or pleasant people. We've been playing by different rules for a week, out of our normal rhythm. Everyone is doing well.. but today I feel like I absolutely can't breathe. My mother-in-law is a complete, wonderful extrovert & so talks non-stop and I, a complete, wonderful introvert, with an ability to pull out my extrovert side in limited quantities, am her constant companion. She's an incredible person, loved by all, energetic and happy. I have nothing to complain about. I feel like I need to get away and I feel terrible about it!
"Bad, bad person!" the inner accuser is screaming at me. She's wonderful! Everyone you know would love to have a mother-in-law like you do! And I say the same thing.. I want to be a mother in law as wonderful as she is!
We can't feel bad about putting the oxygen mask on ourselves. Know yourself and don't expect people around you to grant you permission to take care of yourself & fill your gasping lungs!
I am an introvert.. a mystic ... someone who needs and is called to quite a bit of time alone. The accuser is saying, "How are you going to minister to people if you feel this way?.. You're dreaming if you think you could have people on your property and in your home when you can't even handle a week's time like this."
But these are lies.
I affirm my mother-in-law for the wonderful, unique person that she is .. and I affirm myself and the wonderful, unique person I am.
As I sit her in the coffee shop where I have pulled myself away to get my "oxygen". I feel myself beginning to let go, embracing myself and the day ... letting go of what I "should" have done to be with or make other people complete or "be a team player". I was beginning to hate everyone. Anyone around me, no matter what they did or said was completely annoying. I knew these thoughts were not truth. I knew this ugliness in me wasn't me .. it was the cells of my body crying out; gasping for air. Listen to what that inner person is crying out for. Don't remain the victim staying there in agony and making others pay whenever it explodes out of you because of your negligence.
I am just learning that today.. filling.. breathing.. consuming what I need for my soul.. it's the best thing I could do. We all must tend to and celebrate our unique selves.
Who are you and what is your "oxygen"? Go and put on your mask:)