Dead to My Wants
How we can we kill them ... all these thoughts and desires of our own? Even in Christians there is a constant battle ranging of our own desires.
Gal 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."
Every part of "I" in me.. crucified.. dead ... and it is Christ who lives. Impossible by my willpower but by God's power through spending time with Him.. not time of doing, bible study, serving.. but time of slowing walking the "fields of life" that He quietly makes available to me.. basking in His love, basking in the Presence of the Great I Am, shaken back to consciousness as I pull away from the intensity of the world.
I have decisions to make & I can sense that I want too many things. They won't all fit. I feel an urgency.. when I think of someone coming up and taking one away, I want to clutch it to myself.."No, I like that one. I want it because it is ... fun.. or because ... I love to study.. or because ... it is increasing the things I'm good at.."
Ok, so maybe someone trying to help me to choose the appropriate number of things, comes up and pulls at a different one, "Ok well then let's put this one down."
But, "No!", for different reasons, I don't want to give that one up either.
If I am crucified with Christ.. if I BELIEVE that God's ways & what He is working for His kingdom I don't fully understand.. but I KNOW is the absolute best thing; not only for the world and his kingdom, but in the end it is also better for me and I am so much happier ...
Why, crazy human being do I still try try to make and hold tightly to my own plans!? Why, do I still have an opinion? Why aren't I completely neutral?
Neutral is what I want to be, and what "dead" would be... saying to God with a completely open heart, "What is your desire Lord? Should I do this? that? neither one? or nothing at all?" ... and as I wait and listen I literally have no opinion, no hope, no emotional stock one way or the other.
That is when I will KNOW I am truly His and am crucified in Him.
"Help us Lord to do what we cannot do in ourselves. Oh God, may we be crucified in you.. may we no longer live but only Christ in us"