By His Side
I don’t know what I thought that being a wife was going to be like. I have been married 25 1/2 years and I am still just figuring out certain things. Isn’t that crazy?! This past weekend I worked with my husband at a Trade Show....
There’s something that has been a mystery throughout our married life. My husband is an entrepreneur and has worked on many different projects and different business pursuits. All along the way he has wanted me to work with him in his businesses. Sometimes, it would be frustrating to me because I was already trying to carry my own all-consuming responsibilities and he would call on me to help him and play a part in his business, which I felt was totally outside of comfort level and expertise. I couldn’t understand why he would ask me to do that when it seemed so out of my “zone”. I would think, “just go off and do your work and come home at the end of the day.” because I was so overwhelmed with my own responsibilities, but that isn’t really what I wanted.
He has always pushed the envelope and wanted me to be a part of things with him, which has continually stretched me. The funny thing is, I’m one of these wives whose dream is to do everything together but he was calling on me to scrunch my world tighter together as I would try to juggle my responsibilities and what he was calling me towards in his work world. I guess I imagined that how we would “do everything together” would be in more of a “perfect world” scenario. Life doesn’t seem to cooperate and work like that!
During the past year, I have started to have a glimpse of a new understanding.... my husband wanting me in his business isn’t just a ploy to get his work done or to put more work on me. That is what the little devil on my shoulder would twist and whisper into my ear. The work that he has asked me to do wasn’t always work that I was trained for or equipped to do, and that was part of the problem.
I’m seeing things a little differently.... It’s a compliment and a bonus to be able to work side-by-side with my husband. He calls on me like the president would call on the vice-president. He values my opinion. He respects my judgement. There are many kings whose reigns have been incredibly successful, in part, because of the private conversations between themselves and their queens....hmm, is this how it plays out in 21st century America?
I am also noticing more and more how many men would love their women to be with them, helping them in their life’s work. Working at the trade show, I heard more than one business owner talk about how much they wanted their wives to work in the business with them. It’s an honor to them and many times it’s their dream to have their wives walking with them in their vision. When the bible says that, “it is not good for a man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him,” maybe part of what God meant was that it was not good for man to walk out his mission in life alone. It is so much better to have a co-laborer by his side, working with him. There is a certain fulfillment in his eyes and there is a certain way he carries himself when I am there with him, when people can see that his wife is behind him, she believes in him and she is enjoying serving with him. I don’t know if he realizes the shift that comes over him and I don’t know if he could put it into words, but I see it.
Over the years I have seen that the times I am working in his offices or at events with him like I did this past weekend, those are some of the times of greatest affection between us. Maybe it’s because men’s relationships develop side-by-side with their comrades. I can sense that those are some of the times that he feels the closest to me. At different times I have resented it, feeling like his expressions of love were connected to when I was working for him. Maybe that is the wrong way to look at it. Maybe it’s not, “I love you when you do my work.” Maybe it’s, “I love you when you are really with me”, “I love when you are right in the midst of the world that I live in.” “I married you to be with you and I love having you with me.”
We get married to be together throughout life, and then the kids come along and so many other responsibilities. Maybe in the husband’s eyes, this is what he’s been waiting for all along. It’s what I have always wanted too, maybe it just looks a little different than what I thought it would.